The Tragedy of Zim and Gaz
by eeco
Summary: Romeo and Juliet, IZ style. r&r please *chapter 5 up* The Irkens prepare for the party! YAY!!!! ^.^
1. Act 1: scene 1: part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim and other, lesser, characters. They are copyrighted to J-j-j…uh… whoever they belong to. ^_^ Other characters that aren't IZ original characters are just Irkens/people that I used to fill up empty slots in the story, so they are free character. They are free to be themselves and live a happy life while laughing at other characters. And I also do not own Romeo and Juliet. That is copyrighted to Shakespeare… I think. Most of the lines are taken form my Lit. book. Please don't sue me!!  
  
Author's Note: This is a parody of Romeo and Juliet. I thought it would be cute to do. Uh… I should also list who is playing whom. I would also like to say that, I guess, this is a semi GAZR, or a Gaz and Zim romance. Well what would you think Romeo and Juliet would be?? That's what I thought. Also I would like to note that in any of my other Zim stories, if I ever get to writing them…, Gaz and Zim will not like each other. Does Gaz actually like anyone?? Tanky you for reading my long note.  
  
Cast of Characters:  
  
(Okay here's the key to the characters.  
  
Example: IZ character-Actual character- Info {if needed})  
  
The Irkens (aka Montagues):  
  
Tallest Red- Lord Montague  
  
1.1 Tallest Purple- Lady Montague- Don't worry, he's a guy in this!  
  
1.2 Zim- Romeo  
  
Lan- Benvolio- Friend of Zim (An Irken)  
  
Robot- Balthasar- Servant of Zim (not GIR)  
  
Naven- Abram- Servant to The Almighty Tallest (an Irken)  
  
1.2.1 The Human Worm Babies (aka Capulets)  
  
1.3 Prof. Membrane- Lord Capulet  
  
Janet- Lady Capulet- A reporter (remember this is just to fill a spot)  
  
Gaz- Juliet  
  
Dib- Tybalt- Gaz's brother  
  
Daisy- Nurse- Kid who does Gaz's bidding, or else  
  
Peter- Peter- Daisy's brother  
  
Bob- Sampson- Lab assistant for Professor Membrane  
  
Bill- Gregory- Lab assistant for Professor Membrane  
  
Old man- Old man- ??  
  
The Others:  
  
Mrs. Bitters- Prince Escalus- ruler of uh whatever the city Dib lives in.  
  
Gir- Mercutio- friend of Zim  
  
Friar Laurence -Friar Laurence- a priest  
  
Friar John- Friar John- a priest  
  
Josh - Count Pairs- young rich kid who, for some strange reason, likes Gaz  
  
A Pharmacist  
  
Page- Page- Messenger of Josh  
  
Chief Watchman  
  
Three Musicians  
  
An officer  
  
People of Verona, Relatives, Maskers, Guards, Watchmen, and Attendants  
  
2 The Tragedy of Zim and Tak  
  
  
  
2.1.1 Prologue-  
  
Chorus- Two households, both alike in dignity…  
  
Dib- I am nothing like those aliens!!!  
  
Chorus- It's just the prologue! Anyways…*ahems* In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, …  
  
Dib- We don't live in Verona!!!  
  
Chorus- Oh if your so smart, where do you live?? Hmm?  
  
Dib- Uhh… good question. I guess Verona won't be such a bad place…  
  
Chorus- *rolls eyes* As I was saying. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. Got a problem with this you bigheaded boy??  
  
Dib- My head is NOT big! But no carry on.  
  
Chorus- Good. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star- crossed lovers take their life; whose misadventured piteous overthrows do with their death bury their parents' strife.  
  
Dib- Huh?  
  
Chorus- It means that two lovers kill themselves, which ends their parents' feud.  
  
Dib- Ohhh.  
  
Chorus- The fearful passage of their death-marked love, and the continuance of their parents' rage, which, but their children's end naught could remove, is now the two hours traffic of our stage; the which if you with patient ears attend, what here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.  
  
2.1.2 Act 1: Scene 1: Part 1  
  
{Verona. A public place}  
  
[Enter Bob and Bill, of the house of Membrane, with lasers swords.]  
  
Bob- Bill, on my word, we'll not do dirty work.  
  
Bill- No, for then we should be men with dirty jobs.  
  
Bob- I mean, if we be in anger, we'll draw.  
  
Bill- Ay, while you live, draw your neck out of the hangman's noose.  
  
Bob- I strike quickly, being moved.  
  
Bill- But thou art not quickly moved to strike.  
  
Bob- A dog of the house of Irken moves me.  
  
Bill- To move is to stir, and to be valiant is to stand. Therefore, if thou art moved, thou run'st away.  
  
Bob- A dog of that house shall move me to stand. I will take the wall of any man or maid of The Tallest Red's.  
  
Bill- That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes to the wall.  
  
Bob- 'Tis true; and therefore the doomed, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall.  
  
Bill- The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.  
  
Bob- 'Tis all one.  
  
Bill-They must take it in sense that feel it.  
  
Bob- Me they shall feel while I am able to stand; and 'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.  
  
Bill- 'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been Poor John.  
  
Bob- Wait… what were we talking about again??  
  
Bill- I have no clue. Draw thy tool! Here comes two of the house of Irkens!  
  
[Enter two other serving… uh… thingies, a robot and Naven, servant of The Almighty Tallest]  
  
Bob- My laser sword is out. Quarrel! I will back thee.  
  
Bill- How? Turn thy back and run?  
  
Bob- Do not distrust me!  
  
Bill- No, I fear thee!  
  
Bob- Let us stay on the right side of the law; let them begin.  
  
Bill- I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as they list.  
  
Bob- Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them, which is disgrace to them is they bear it.  
  
Naven- Do you bite your thumb at us, you disgusting stink-human?  
  
Bob- I do bite my thumb, sir.  
  
Naven- Do you bite your thumb at us, you stink-worm dirt…thingy?  
  
Bob- (aside to Bill) Is the law on our side if I say ay?  
  
Bill- (aside to Bob) No.  
  
Bob- No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you sir; but I do bite my thumb, sir.  
  
Bill- Do you quarrel, sir?  
  
Naven- Quarrel, you stink-thingy?  
  
Bob- But if you do, sir, I am for you. I serve as good a man as you.  
  
Naven- No better.  
  
Bob- Well, sir.  
  
[Enter Lan and Dib]  
  
Bill- Say "better." Here comes one of my master's kinsmen.  
  
2.2 Bob- Yes, better, sir.  
  
Naven- You lie.  
  
Bob- Draw, if you be men. Bill, remember thy swashing blow.  
  
Naven- Were not men you dirty worm… thing!  
  
[They fight. Yes the Irken and the robot have laser swords too.]  
  
Lan- Part, fools! Put up your swords. You know not what you do.  
  
Dib- What, art thou drawn among these cowardly hicks? (Dramatic pause) Turn thee, Lan; look upon thy death!  
  
Lan- I do but keep the peace. Put up thy sword, or manage it to part these men and Irkens with me.  
  
Dib- What, drawn, and talk of peace? I hate the word as I hate hell, all Irkens, and thee. Have at thee, coward.  
  
[Dib pulls out his laser sword and Lan fight]  
  
[Enter an officer, and 3 or 4 citizens with boards, bats, and other useless weapons.]  
  
Officer- Strike! Beat them down! Down with the Membranes! Down with the Irkens!  
  
[Enter Prof. Membrane and a reporter, Janet]  
  
Prof. Membrane- What noise is this? Give me my long sword!  
  
Janet- But Prof. Membrane, you do not fight!  
  
Prof. Membrane- My toast I say! The Tallest have come and they flourish curly fries in spite of me!  
  
[Enter Tallest Red and Tallest Purple]  
  
Tallest Red- Thou villain Membrane! Hold me not; let me go!!  
  
Tallest Purple- Why don't we just insult him with curly fries?  
  
Tallest Red- Good idea.  
  
[The Tallest take out curly fries]  
  
[Enter Mrs. Bitters]  
  
Mrs. Bitters- Doomèd subjects, will they not hear? What ho! You men, you doomed beasts. If you doomèd things ever disturb our doomed streets again, your doomèd lives shall pay the forfeit of doomed peace!  
  
[Exit all but Prof. Membrane, Janet, and Lan]  
  
  
  
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Hope you all like this first part to act 1:scene 1. Review! Or not. I do not care. 


	2. Act 1: scene 1: part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own IZ or it's characters. All other made up characters, 'cept Lan, are open for anyone to use. Lan is a character from my own IZ world, if I ever get to writing it out. Oh yeah, I don't own The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet either, that's copyright to Shakespear.  
  
Author's note: Thank you all sooo much for reviewing my work. Well, okay 4 of you, but still, y'all have boosted my self-confidence way up! ^_^ HelgaGP, I had to make Dib Zim's enemy, so Tybalt seemed like the good choice. Gir needed to be a spontaneous character and had to be Zim's friend thingy. I know that they die, but so do Gaz and Zim in the end. Thank you for reviewing again! I will list the characters again for easy reading reference.  
  
Author's Note #2: Just so you can tell what the characters look like, I will describe Naven, Lan, and Janet. I will describe the others as they appear. Lan is a female Irken, who is about 3 inches taller than Zim, has purple eyes, and two antennas that look like they have a little leaf on the end of each of them. Naven is a male Irken, who is about 5 inches taller than Zim (poor Zim; being so short), has orange eyes, and an antenna. Janet is a human (obviously female), who is about 5'6", is a brunette, has green eyes, and, for some reason, feels motherlyish towards Dib.  
  
Author's Note #3: One more thing… is it just me or are all of us reading this play? I'm reading it in English right now also!  
  
Cast of Characters:  
  
(Okay here's the key to the characters.  
  
Example: IZ character-Actual character- Info {if needed})  
  
The Irkens (aka Montagues):  
  
Tallest Red- Lord Montague  
  
1.1 Tallest Purple- Lady Montague- Don't worry, he's a guy in this!  
  
1.2 Zim- Romeo  
  
Lan- Benvolio- Friend of Zim (An Irken)  
  
Robot- Balthasar- Servant of Zim (not GIR)  
  
Naven- Abram- Servant to The Almighty Tallest (an Irken)  
  
1.2.1 The Human Worm Babies (aka Capulets)  
  
1.3 Prof. Membrane- Lord Capulet  
  
Janet- Lady Capulet- A reporter (remember this is just to fill a spot)  
  
Gaz- Juliet  
  
Dib- Tybalt- Gaz's brother  
  
Daisy- Nurse- Kid who does Gaz's bidding, or else  
  
Peter- Peter- Daisy's brother  
  
Bob- Sampson- Lab assistant for Professor Membrane  
  
Bill- Gregory- Lab assistant for Professor Membrane  
  
Old man- Old man- ??  
  
The Others:  
  
Mrs. Bitters- Prince Escalus- ruler of uh whatever the city Dib lives in.  
  
Gir- Mercutio- friend of Zim  
  
Friar Laurence -Friar Laurence- a priest  
  
Friar John- Friar John- a priest  
  
Josh - Count Pairs- young rich kid who, for some strange reason, likes Gaz  
  
A Pharmacist  
  
Page- Page- Messenger of Josh  
  
Chief Watchman  
  
Three Musicians  
  
An officer  
  
1.4 People of Verona, Relatives, Maskers, Guards, Watchmen, and Attendants  
  
Act 1: Scene 1: Part 2  
  
{Verona. A public place.}  
  
[All exit except The Tallest and Lan]  
  
Tallest Red- Who started it this time? Lan, tell me, where were you when it all began?  
  
Lan- Here were the servants of your adversary and yours, close fighting before I did approach. I drew to part them. In the instant came the bigheaded Dib *chuckles* with his sword prepared, which, as he breathed defiance to my ears, he swung about his head and cut the winds, who, nothing hurt withal, hissed him in scorn. While we were interchanging thrusts and blows, came more and more, and fought part on part, till that Bitters human worm-dirt… thing came, who parted either part.  
  
Tallest Purple- O, where is Zim? Saw you him today? Right glad… I mean disappointed I am that he was not at this fray.  
  
Tallest Red- *dully* You're rhyming again.  
  
1.5 Tallest Purple- I was? Damn it!  
  
Lan- Madame, er, sir. Sorry it slipped; you guys are wearing dresses. *Gets evil glare* He he he. Um, anyways, *bows deeply* Almighty Tallest Purple, an hour before the Earth's worshiped sun peered forth form the East, a troubled mind drove me to walk abroad; where, underneath the grove of sycamore that westward rooteth from this city side, so early did I see your short invader. Towards him I made, but he was aware of me and stole into the covert of the wood. I, measuring his affections by my own, which then most sought where most might not be found.  
  
Tallest Red- Huh?  
  
Lan- *bluntly* He wanted to be alone.  
  
Tallest Red- Ohhh.  
  
Lan- Being one to many by my weary self, pursued my humor not pursuing his, and gladly shunned who gladly fled from me.  
  
Tallest Red- Many a morning hath he there been seen, with tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew, adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs; but all so soon as the all-cheering sun should in the farthest East begin to draw the shady curtains from dawn's bed, away from the light steals home the heavy-hearted Zim, and private in his lab pens himself, shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out, and makes himself an artificial night. Black and pompous must this humor prove unless good counsel may the cause remove.  
  
Tallest Purple- And you thought I had issues with rhyming!  
  
Lan- My noble Tallest, do you know the cause?  
  
Tallest Red- I neither know it nor care about it.  
  
[Enter Zim.]  
  
Lan- See, where he comes. So please step aside, I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.  
  
[Exit Tallest Red and Tallest Purple.]  
  
Lan- Morning Zim.  
  
Zim- Is this blasted day still so young?  
  
Lan- It just turned nine.  
  
Zim- Ay me! Sad hours seem long. Was that the tallest that just left?  
  
Lan- Yes. What sadness lengthens Zim's hours?  
  
Zim- Not being able to figure out that which torments me.  
  
Lan- Taks still tossing meat in your face?  
  
Zim- Yes. Why are these human affections so damn difficult to figure out?  
  
Lan- But Zim, Tak isn't a hum-.  
  
Zim- No, no. Don't try to talk me out of it. I know that you want to take over this assignment.  
  
Lan- *Dripping in sarcasm* Oh yeah, I soo want this "top secret" mission. *Normal* Alas that love, so gentle in his view, should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!  
  
Zim- Alas that love, whose view is muffled still, should without eyes see pathways to his doomèd will! Where shall we dine for lunch? O my! What battle was here? No, don't tell me, for I have heard it all. That cursèd Dib always causes problems to stop my invasion! *Lan rolls her eyes* Why then, O brawling love, O loving hate, O anything, of nothing first created! O heavy lightness, serious vanity, misshapen chaos of well-seeming forms, feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health, still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!  
  
Lan- You're ranting.  
  
Zim- No I'm not! A madness most discreet! Farewell Lan.  
  
Lan- Wait! I will go along. And if you leave me so, you do me wrong.  
  
Zim- Okay, see ya. *Walks off*  
  
Lan- Don't leave me behind! Zim wait! ZIM! *Runs after Zim*  
  
[Exit all]  
  
  
  
Hope y'all like this second chapter. By my count this thing gonna be like 30 chapters long! Oh well. Review, or I will release my curly fries of DOOM! O_o 


	3. Act 1: scene 2

Disclaimer: I do NOT own IZ, but I wish I did! Rolling in dough! ^_^ IZ is owned by Jhonen Vasquez. I also don't own Romeo and Juliet. That is copyrighted to Shakespeare, I think. I DO own Lan. The other little characters I don't really care about; they just make the story go along.  
  
Author's Note: O_o lookie at all the reviews!! I know I know it isn't a ton, but hey I'm used to being ignored when I write stories! From now on, I'm only going to list the characters for the scene that I'm writing, the rest just take up space! I have changed my name to my IZ name, Laurenstien. Okie dokie, I'm going to start  
  
now…  
  
A/N #2: I know I said I was going to start, but I need to describe Josh. Josh is, as it says, a rich kid about Gaz's age, who likes her, don't ask I don't know! Anyways, Josh is liked by Prof. Membrane, once again I don't know why. Josh is about uh… the same height at Gaz, has sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and has a ton of girls all surrounding him all the time, yet only has eyes for Gaz. Yes, I know what all of you are thinking: Strange kid. O_o  
  
A/N #3: Also, I don't think I described Lan as she looks in disguise. In disguise she is a normal girl, with lilac hair and green eyes and is a little taller then Zim.  
  
Characters for this chapter (3):  
  
1 Prof. Membrane- Lord Capulet  
  
Josh - Count Pairs- young rich kid who, for some strange reason, likes Gaz  
  
1.1 Ben- Stupid Servant- servant who is illiterate  
  
1.2 Zim- Romeo  
  
Lan- Benvolio- Friend of Zim (An Irken Female)  
  
Act 1: Scene 2  
  
{A street in Verona.}  
  
[Enter Prof. Membrane, Josh, and Ben]  
  
Prof. Membrane- But The Tallest are bound to keep the peace as well as I, in penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think, for men and… things so old as we to keep the peace.  
  
Josh- Of honorable reputation are you, and 'tis pity you have lived at odds with the Irkens for so long. But now, my intelligent professor, what say you to my suit?  
  
Prof. Membrane- But saying o'er what I have said before: my child is yet a stranger in this world; she hath not seen the change of uh… how old again is my daughter?  
  
Josh- I honestly can't remember, noble professor, but shan't you know the age of your own young?  
  
Prof. Membrane- One of my stature should not be bothered by such trivial things. My youthful children are given one day a year to spend with their wonderful, super toast creating, father. If Gaz whist to tell me her young age, then she would hath done so already, or will do so when our meeting comes. But I invite you to join us at my masquerade party for my young Gaz. So that she may choose whom she whist.  
  
[To Ben, giving him a paper.]  
  
Go, sirrah, trudge about through fair Verona; find those persons out whose names are written there, and to them say my house and welcome on their pleasure stay.  
  
[Exit Prof. Membrane and Josh.]  
  
Ben- Find them out whose names are written here? I am sent to find those persons whose names are here writ, and can never understand what names the writing person hath here writ. I must to the learned. In good time!  
  
[Enter Lan and Zim in disguise.]  
  
Lan- Tut, invader, one fire burns out another's burning; one pain is less'ned by another's anguish; turn giddy, and be helped by turning in the opposite direction; one desperate grief cures with another's languish. Take thou some new infection to thy eye, and the rank poison of the old will die.  
  
Zim- Your plantain leaf is excellent for that.  
  
Lan- For what, I prey thee?  
  
Zim- For your scratched shin.  
  
Lan- Why, Zim, art thou mad?  
  
Zim- Not mad, but bound more than a madman is; shut up in prison, kept without my food, whipped and tormented and – good evening good fellow.  
  
Ben- Good evening, I pray, sir, can you read?  
  
Zim- Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.  
  
Lan- Ignore him, he is in his own world; yes we can read.  
  
Ben- Perhaps you have learned it without book. But, I pray, can you read anything you see?  
  
Zim- Ay, if I know the letters and the language.  
  
Ben- Ye say honestly. Rest you merry.  
  
Lan- Stay fellow, he can read.  
  
[Zim glares at Lan and reads the letter.]  
  
"Signior Martino and his wife and daughters; County Anselm and his beauteous sisters; the lady widow of Vitruvio; Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces; the owners of Weenie Corp. and their daughter Tak."  
  
A fair assembly. Whither should they come?  
  
Ben- Up.  
  
Zim- Wither? To supper?  
  
Ben- To our house.  
  
Lan- Whose house?  
  
Ben- My master's.  
  
Lan- Indeed we should have asked you that before.  
  
Ben- Now I'll tell you without asking. My master is the great rich Professor Membrane; and if you not be of the house of Irkens, but thou can't be Irkens what a laugh, I pray thee come and crush a cup of Poop. Rest you merry.  
  
[Exit Ben.]  
  
Lan- At this same old feast of Membrane's sups the dreadful Tak.  
  
Zim- I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, but to rejoice in splendor of mine own.  
  
[Exit Zim and Lan.]  
  
  
  
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I hope that you like this part. Thank you sooo much for the reviews.  
  
Review more, or my curly fries of DOOM will eat you up! They ARE getting hungry. O_o 


	4. Act 1: scene 3

Disclaimer: I do NOT own IZ, but I wish I did! Rolling in dough! ^_^ IZ is owned by Jhonen Vasquez. I also don't own Romeo and Juliet. That is copyrighted to Shakespeare, I think. I DO own Lan. The other little characters I don't really care about; they just make the story go along.  
  
Author's Note: Sorry 'bout the long time since I last posted a chap. Catching up on sleep. That and Fanfiction.net is havin' a lot of issues right now. So here we go with chapter 4.  
  
A/N #2: Daisy is introduced in this chapter, so I might as well describe her. Daisy is a blond, blue-eyed chick that does work for Gaz (or else!) she is about the same height as Gaz also and is about two years older than Gaz.  
  
Characters in this chapter:  
  
Janet- Lady Capulet- A reporter (remember this is just to fill a spot) Gaz- Juliet Daisy- Nurse- Kid who does Gaz's bidding, or else Servingman  
  
Act 1: Scene 3  
  
{A room in the Membrane house.}  
  
[Enter Janet and Daisy.]  
  
Janet- Daisy, where is Gaz? Call her forth to me.  
  
Daisy- Now, by my maidenhead at twelve years old. I bade her to come. Hey Gaz! Where are you Gaz? God forbid, where's this girl? Hey, Gaz!  
  
[Enter Gaz.]  
  
Gaz- What do you want?  
  
Daisy- That reporter person that won't go away whist to speak with thou.  
  
Gaz- I was almost to the boss stage! This better be worth my while!  
  
Janet- This is the matter. - Daisy, give leave awhile; we must talk in secret. Daisy, come back again. I have rememb'red me; thou shalt hear our counsel. Thou knowest that Gaz is of a pretty age.  
  
Daisy- Uh. if thou thinkest that ten is of a pretty age, then yes.  
  
Janet- I was told by your father to ask you this question, Lady Gaz. Tell me, how stands your disposition to be married?  
  
Gaz- Tch, I don't know. I guess that it is okay.  
  
Daisy- Isn't Gaz a little young for marriage?  
  
Janet- Well think of marriage now. The valiant Josh seeks you for his love.  
  
Daisy- A man, young Gaz. Such a man! *sighs* As all the world. - Why he's. he's a man of wax!  
  
Janet- Verona's summer hath not such a flower.  
  
Daisy- Nay, he's a flower, in faith - a very flower *giggles*.  
  
Janet- What say you? Can you love the gentleman? This night you shall behold him at our- er. I mean your feast. Read o'er the volume of young Josh's face, and find delight writ there with beauty's pen; examine every married lineament, and see how one another lends content; and what obscured in this fair volume lies find written in the margent of his eyes. This precious book of love, this unbound lover, to beautify him only lacks a cover. The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride for fair without the fair within to hide. That book in many's eyes doth share the glory, that in gold clasps locks in the golden story; so shall you share all that he doth possess, by having him, making yourself no less.  
  
Daisy- No less? Nay, bigger! Women grow by men.  
  
Janet- Speak briefly, can you like of Josh's love?  
  
Gaz- *not paying attention; playing her GS* Huh? Sure, whatever. Leave me alone.  
  
[Enter Servingman.]  
  
Servingman- *breathlessly* Lady Gaz, the guests are come, supper served up, and everything in extremity. I must hence to wait. I beseech you follow straight.  
  
[Exit Servingman.]  
  
Janet- We follow thee. Come Gaz, the county stays.  
  
Gaz- Yeah whatever.  
  
Daisy- But Gaz must change for the party Madame Janet.  
  
Janet- Then be speedy about it.  
  
[Exit Janet one way, Gaz and Daisy another.]  
  
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Well that was a kinda short chappie. Oh well, what can ya do. In the next chapter. Costume Party!!!! And GIR!!!!! YEA!!!!! ^_^  
  
Remember. review or my curly fries of DOOM will devourer your pitiful doomed heads! Bwahahahahah!! 


	5. Act 1: scene 4

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Invader Zim. Invader Zim is owned by Jhonen Vasquez. I also don't own Romeo and Juliet. That is copyrighted to Shakespeare, I think. I DO own Lan. The other little characters I don't really care about; they just make the story go along, bouncing along, singing their happy songs. of DOOM!!!  
  
Author's note: Sorry it took so long for another chappy. I've been uh. lazy, oh well. In this chapter, we meet Gir, who's with Lan and Zim who are in costumes for the Membrane party. Okie dokie, so here we go with chapter 5.  
  
Characters in this chapter:  
  
Zim- Romeo  
  
Lan- Benvolio- Friend of Zim (An Irken)  
  
Gir- Mercutio- friend of Zim  
  
Other Irken peoples  
  
Act 1: Scene 4  
  
{A street. It's evening.}  
  
[Enter Gir, Lan, with five or six other Maskers. Lan and Gir are wearing costumes. Lan is in her human disguise wearing a leopard costume; Gir is wearing a piggy costume. (You thought I'd say doggie suit, didn't ya??)]  
  
Lan- Come on Zim! Ya can't hide in the ally all night!  
  
Zim (offstage)- Just watch me!  
  
Gir- Awwww. somebody needs a hug!  
  
Zim (still offstage)- NOOO!!! No Gir no Hugs!  
  
Gir- Awww. *hugs himself* I LOVE PIGGIES!!! But I wanted to be a mongoose!  
  
Lan- Well if we had a mongoose costume, I'd of given you one.  
  
Gir- I still think you two would have made good Tallest!  
  
Lan- If we went as the Tallest, we would've been flayed alive!  
  
Gir- Awww. you make a good kitty though! And I like Zimmy's costume!!  
  
[Lan drags Zim onstage. Zim's costume is a. Hamster!!!]  
  
Gir- Awww. Isn't he cute!  
  
Zim- I'm going to kill you Lan for letting Gir pick my costume!  
  
Lan- *giggling at Zim's costume* But you look adorable!  
  
Zim- Shut-up and let us go to the party! *ahems* Shall this speech be spoke for our excuse? Or shall we on without apology?  
  
Lan- The date is out of such prolixity.  
  
Zim- eh. come again?  
  
Lan- *sighs* It means: Such long-winded speeches are out of fashion.  
  
Zim- Oh, yes. I knew that!  
  
Lan- Suuure you did Zim. *ahems* We'll have no Cupid blindfolded with a scarf, bearing a Tartar's painted bow of lath, scaring the ladies like a scarecrow; nor no memorized speeches, faintly spoke after the prompter, for our entrance; but, let them examine us by what they will, we'll dance a one dance and be gone.  
  
Zim- Give me a torch. I am not for this ambling. Being but heavy, I will bear the light.  
  
Gir- Nay, gentle Master, we must have you dance!  
  
Zim- Not I, believe me. You have dancing shoes with nimble soles; I have a soul of lead so stakes me to the ground I cannot move.  
  
Gir- No Master! You are a lover. Borrow Cupid's wings and soar with them above a common bound!  
  
Zim- I am too sore empiercèd with his shaft to soar with his light feathers; and so bound I cannot bound a pitch above a dull woe. Under love's heavy burden do I sink.  
  
Gir- And, to sink in it, should you burden love-too great oppression for a tender thing.  
  
Zim- Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boist'rous, and it pricks like thorn.  
  
Gir- If love be rough with you, be rough with love; prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.  
  
Lan- (in shock that Gir is actually keeping a intelligent conversation with Zim) Come, knock and enter; and no sooner in but every Irken begin dancing.  
  
Zim- A torch for me! Let wantons light of heart tickle the senseless rushes with their heels; for I am proverbed with a old Irken's saying, I'll be a candleholder and look on; the game was ne'er so fair, and I am done.  
  
Gir- Tut! Dun's the mouse, the constable's own word! If thou art Dun, we'll draw thee from the mire of this sir-reverence love, wherein thou stickest upon to the ears. Come, we burn daylight, ho!  
  
Zim- Nay, that's not so.  
  
Gir- I mean, Master, in delay. We waste our lights in vain, like lights by day. Take our good meaning, for our judgment sits five times in that ere once in our five wits.  
  
Zim- And we mean well in going to this masque, but 'tis not a good idea to go.  
  
Gir- Why, may one ask?  
  
Zim- I dreamt a dream tonight.  
  
Gir- And so did I.  
  
Zim- Well, what was yours?  
  
Gir- That dreamers often lie.  
  
Zim- In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.  
  
Gir- O, then I see Queen Mab hath been with you. She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes in the shape no bigger than an agate stone on the forefinger of an alderman, drawn with a team of little tiny creatures over Irken's faces as they lie asleep; her wagon spokes made of long spiders' legs, the cover, the wings of grasshoppers; her reins, of the smallest spider web; her collars of the moonshine's wat'ry beams; her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of thread; her wagoner, a small gray-coated gnat, not half so big as a round little worm pricked from the lazy finger of a maid; her chariot is an empty hazelnut, made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers. And in this state she gallops night by night through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love; on courtiers' knees, that dream on curtsies straight; o'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees; o'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream, which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues, because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are. Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose, and then dreams he of smelling out a suit; and something comes she with a tithe pig's tail tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep, then dreams he of another benefice. Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck, and then dreams he of cutting foreign throats, of breaches, ambuscades, Spanish blades, of toasts five fathom deep; and then anon drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes, and being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two and sleeps again. This is that very Mab that plaits the manes of horses in the night and bakes elflocks in foul sluttish hairs, which once untangled much misfortune bodes. This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs, that presses them and learns hem first to bear, making them women of good carriage. This is she-  
  
Zim- Peace, peace, Gir, peace! Thou talk'st of nothing.  
  
Gir- True, I talk of dreams; which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy; which is as thin of substance as air, and more inconstant than the wind, who woos even now the frozen bosom of the North and, being angered, puffs away from thence, turning his side to the dewdropping South.  
  
Lan- This wind you talk of blows us from ourselves. Supper is done, and we shall come too late.  
  
Gir- Awwww. we missed din din. I wantedth some cupith cakes. Hehehe, I speaketh funnyth. (Smiles with his tongue sticking out.)  
  
Zim- I fear, too early; for my mind misgives some consequence yet hanging in the stars shall bitterly begin his fearful date with this night's revels and expire the term of a despisèd life, closed in my squeedgy-splooge, by some vile forfeit of untimely death. But he that hath the steerage if my course direct my sail! On lusty Irkens!  
  
Lan- Strike, drum.  
  
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Yay another chapter done!! Just. 25 more to go!! Wow. that's. encouraging, I think. And yes, I know Gir was majorly out of character in this, but well. um. the Queen Mab speech is way to important to cut out. Why? I have no clue. Oh yeah. review or my curly fries of DOOM will eat you!! Bwhahahaha! 


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